Life Gives You Lemons

by Jesse Marie Scott

I've been so excited to tell you all about our wedding day, but in the end it turned out to be a fiasco.

Everything was beautiful. Noel wore a sharp suit, and I was in a fabulous white dress. I know, white might not have been appropriate, but that was another tradition I kept LOL!

Things were going well, actually. Noel's friend, Hank, got ordained online and performed the ceremony, and Noel's brother, Sully, came in from Toledo. We decided to do it here in the neighborhood here in Cooper Park. It was easy for me to get to, and we were able to celebrate at our favorite restaurant, Carmine's.

The ceremony was beautiful. It was very simple and sweet, and Sully got some nice pictures.

Things went south at dinner.

We arrived and got a table, and of course all the waitresses at Carmine's showered us with congratulations. We had pasta, pizza and tiramisu! So scrumptious!

Then, this guy sitting at the next table started making noises. Snorting, specifically. Like a pig. It was quiet at first, but then he got louder. It wasn't subtle at all. We just kept eating, but the joy was slowly getting sucked out of the day.

Finally, Noel turned to the guy and asked, "You got a problem?"

"Yeah, I got a problem. Your bride is grossing me out."

"Why don't you leave, then?" Noel said.

"Hey, man, I come here all the time. This is my spot. Why don't you leave? You and your piggy."

He snorted again.

Noel stood up, and the guy stood up, too. He was bigger than Noel, and I really didn't want a scene.

"Sweetie, sit down," I begged Noel.

Noel eyed the guy, then looked at me. He smiled, and sat down.

"You take orders from piggy like that?"

The guy was right behind him.

"Sir, is this man bothering you?"

Vinnie, the manager came up behind the guy and stood between Noel and the guy.

"You sticking up for these people, Vin?"

Obviously the guy knew Vinnie. Probably a regular. Maybe they grew up together. Who knows. Whatever the case, Vinnie turned and looked the guy square in the eyes and said: "It's these lovely peoples' wedding day, and you're being a douche. Back off. Now."

And, with that, the guy turned and huffed out of the restaurant.

Vinnie smiled at us and said, "Sorry 'bout that, folks. Hang tight. Enjoy your pasta. I got somethin' special for you."

A few minutes later, Vinnie and all the waitresses came out of the kitchen with an entire tiramisu. And he must have gone to the 99 cent store next door, for there was a plastic bride and groom on top!

"It's on me," Vinnie said.

Noel protested, like he usually does when someone does something nice for him, but in the end, we accepted the generous gift.

After dinner, we went back to my apartment with my sister, Meredith. Sully had a plane to catch, and

Hank headed home. Meredith was going home in the morning, so we planned on visiting and relaxing.

Unfortunately, there was nothing relaxing about our time together.

Noel was in the kitchen, preparing a bedtime snack, when Meredith asked why I needed another snack before bed. She insisted I’d had enough to eat for the day, and asked why I eat so much. I told her about the 1000 pound goal, and she went off. She told me how I was being unhealthy, how I wasn’t considering my family and how I was disgusting.

“That guy at the restaurant was right. You’re just a big piggy!”

I still can’t believe she said it. I was so GD mad! I told her off like I’ve never done in my life. She’s made me mad, but this was the worst thing she ever could say. On my wedding day, no less! Lots was said, and in the end, I told Meredith she had to leave. Noel was in the middle of us, telling us to calm down, but neither one of us wanted to listen. We yelled louder and louder, until I told her to get out. She grabbed her suitcase and found a hotel for the night, and she flew out today. Didn’t even call to let me know she got home safe.

I’m so furious at her. She knows how to get my goat! I don’t care if I hear from her again. She crossed the line, and I don’t think I can trust her now. This was supposed to be my special day, and she ruined it!

As usual, Noel is amazing. He told me to focus on our future together. We have a great thing going, and he’s my family now. That’s awesome to me – you can’t choose your blood family, and sometimes they aren’t very nice. You can choose a new family, though, and Noel is mine. So full of love and support. In the end, I know I’m lucky. Sorry there’s not better news to report, but some days life sucks.

Unfortunately, that day happened to be my wedding day.

Normally, I’m a glass half full kind of gal. You get lemons, make lemonade. But, today, I don’t seem to have any sugar, and the glass seems half empty – of lemon juice.

Preparations

By Noel Spencer

It’s a lot of work getting married. I thought since it would just be my brother and Jesse’s sister attending it would be a piece of cake, but it’s turning out to be a lot of running round. Jesse can help with some things around the house, but when it comes to executing errands around town, I’m doing most of that, including renting a car to pick up Jesse’s sister at the airport. She doesn’t get that people take cabs in NYC, so we’ve got to pick her up in a rental. It’s just one more thing.

I also must pick up Jesse’s dress from the cleaners. They are doing the alterations. I thought I could do it. I can sew a little, but this is special. I want it done right. The seamstress is over on Metropolitan Avenue. She is a Indian woman, and she’s done a great job in the past with minor alterations. We ordered Jesse’s dress online, and it is gorgeous. It just needs to be bigger. When I told the woman doing the alterations we want it to be let out, she tried to explain to me that I must have it wrong. All brides want to have their dress taken IN.

After much back and forth about whether I was right or wrong, she told me it would cost more for letting it out. She suggested it was about the extra fabric. I almost argued with her on this. Why does it cost more for someone to make something bigger than smaller? It is as if she is penalizing us for Jesse being fat. Ultimately, after speaking with some friends, they assured me that extra fabric would cost more.

All of this is to say: I picked up Jesse’s dress today! She tried it on, and she looks stunning. Even though the woman altered it to be bigger, I had her make it slightly smaller than Jesse’s size. It’s super tight, and her voluptuous, glorious body shows in all its glory. She’s beautiful, sumptuous, and classic all at once.

Jesse watches this show Say Yes to the Dress all the time. Her favorite part is when women get all weepy over their dresses. Gets her every time. She says they know when they put it on.

When Jesse tried on that dress…

God, let me tell you…she was perfection. The look on her face was priceless. And the tears flowed…and flowed.

I can’t wait for Saturday.

Old, New, Borrowed & Blue

By Jesse Marie Scott

I can’t believe I’m getting married in less than three weeks! OMG!!

I’ll be honest – this isn’t something I ever thought would happen. When I was a little girl, I dreamed of having a wedding, of course. I’d have a white dress with a long train that went down the isle like Princess Diana. There would be a ring barer, a flower girl and candles everywhere. When I got older, I rarely dated, and when I did date, I never thought of anyone as “Mr. Right.” Even after I started meeting up with guys that feed, I never figured I’d find someone who wanted to be with me long term, let along marry me.

There was one guy I dated (who will remain nameless), and I thought he might be “the one.” We were together just over a year. The relationship started a lot like Noel and mine did. We met on line, started seeing each other and we had a relationship. I didn’t expect anything because all my other feeders before him were short term. Guys usually will stick around for a few weeks, maybe a couple months, but no one ever really connected with me on an intimate level.

We began feeding more regularly, and we played around with the idea of goals. I joked that we should go for 1000 pounds one day, and you should have seen his eyes! LOL! He was so freaked out. We agreed 300 hundred pounds would be much easier to reach, and we started out feeding to gain. For realsies. Before it was a fantasy or something we joked about. This required serious obligation. He didn’t have that. He left a couple weeks after we started on our road to the goal.

Looking back on it, that is fine by me! His exit made room for my true love, Mister Noel Jonathan Spencer. Now we’re getting married, and I can’t WAIT!

I do have to get a little traditional: Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, and Something Blue.

So far, I’ve got…

Blue – I’m going have a blue bouquet. I love blue. It’s my favorite color, and I almost decided to wear a blue dress, too. In the end, I decided to be traditional and wear white.

Working on the other three. Though, I did see pretty pearl necklace on line. I showed it to Noel, and I think he might be getting it for me!! That would be my “new” item.

I’m not sure what the other two items will be, though. Any of you had a wedding? What did you borrow? If you have suggestions, feel free to suggest away!