Friday, October 31, 2008

Sometimes You Gotta Be Sexy

By Jessi Marie Scott

Last year, we went cute. This year, we’ve decided to go sexy. It looks like this might be my last big party out. It’s getting harder to leave the apartment and down the street, let alone going out and painting the town red.

You know how you can be a sexy anything these days? Sexy Nurse, Sexy Cat, Sexy Firefighter? Noel wanted me to be a Queen. I told him I’d be a Queen only if I could be a Sexy Queen. He told me I was already a queen in his eyes: “Queen of Pounds”. I told him that was a fabulous idea. I would be Queen of Pounds and he could be my Sexy Manservant. I mean, heck, if I’m going to be sexy, he might as well be, too! (Not that there’s any way he couldn’t be sexy…LOL!).

I’ve got a leesh and everything. Yes, this Sexy Queen of Pounds is into whipping her Sexy Manservant until he does my every bidding. Oh, this is going to be so much fun tonight. When we get home, I’m going to make him feed me until I can’t eat any more.

And then…


Happy Halloween!

Monday, October 6, 2008

Life Gives You Lemons

by Jesse Marie Scott

I've been so excited to tell you all about our wedding day, but in the end it turned out to be a fiasco.
Everything was beautiful. Noel wore a sharp suit, and I was in a fabulous white dress. I know, white might not have been appropriate, but that was another tradition I kept LOL!
Things were going well, actually. Noel's friend, Hank, got ordained online and performed the ceremony, and Noel's brother, Sully, came in from Toledo. We decided to do it here in the neighborhood here in Cooper Park. It was easy for me to get to, and we were able to celebrate at our favorite restaurant, Carmine's.

The ceremony was beautiful. It was very simple and sweet, and Sully got some nice pictures.

Things went south at dinner.

We arrived and got a table, and of course all the waitresses at Carmine's showered us with congratulations. We had pasta, pizza and tiramisu! So scrumptious!

Then, this guy sitting at the next table started making noises. Snorting, specifically. Like a pig. It was quiet at first, but then he got louder. It wasn't subtle at all. We just kept eating, but the joy was slowly getting sucked out of the day.

Finally, Noel turned to the guy and asked, "You got a problem?"

"Yeah, I got a problem. Your bride is grossing me out."

"Why don't you leave, then?" Noel said.

"Hey, man, I come here all the time. This is my spot. Why don't you leave? You and your piggy."
He snorted again.

Noel stood up, and the guy stood up, too. He was bigger than Noel, and I really didn't want a scene.

"Sweetie, sit down," I begged Noel.

Noel eyed the guy, then looked at me. He smiled, and sat down.

"You take orders from piggy like that?"

The guy was right behind him.

"Sir, is this man bothering you?"

Vinnie, the manager came up behind the guy and stood between Noel and the guy.

"You sticking up for these people, Vin?"

Obviously the guy knew Vinnie. Probably a regular. Maybe they grew up together. Who knows. Whatever the case, Vinnie turned and looked the guy square in the eyes and said: "It's these lovely peoples' wedding day, and you're being a douche. Back off. Now."

And, with that, the guy turned and huffed out of the restaurant.

Vinnie smiled at us and said, "Sorry 'bout that, folks. Hang tight. Enjoy your pasta. I got somethin' special for you."

A few minutes later, Vinnie and all the waitresses came out of the kitchen with an entire tiramisu. And he must have gone to the 99 cent store next door, for there was a plastic bride and groom on top!

"It's on me," Vinnie said.

Noel protested, like he usually does when someone does something nice for him, but in the end, we accepted the generous gift.

After dinner, we went back to my apartment with my sister, Meredith. Sully had a plane to catch, and

Hank headed home. Meredith was going home in the morning, so we planned on visiting and relaxing.
Unfortunately, there was nothing relaxing about our time together.

Noel was in the kitchen, preparing a bedtime snack, when Meredith asked why I needed another snack before bed. She insisted I’d had enough to eat for the day, and asked why I eat so much. I told her about the 1000 pound goal, and she went off. She told me how I was being unhealthy, how I wasn’t considering my family and how I was disgusting.

“That guy at the restaurant was right. You’re just a big piggy!”

I still can’t believe she said it. I was so GD mad! I told her off like I’ve never done in my life. She’s made me mad, but this was the worst thing she ever could say. On my wedding day, no less! Lots was said, and in the end, I told Meredith she had to leave. Noel was in the middle of us, telling us to calm down, but neither one of us wanted to listen. We yelled louder and louder, until I told her to get out. She grabbed her suitcase and found a hotel for the night, and she flew out today. Didn’t even call to let me know she got home safe.

I’m so furious at her. She knows how to get my goat! I don’t care if I hear from her again. She crossed the line, and I don’t think I can trust her now. This was supposed to be my special day, and she ruined it!

As usual, Noel is amazing. He told me to focus on our future together. We have a great thing going, and he’s my family now. That’s awesome to me – you can’t choose your blood family, and sometimes they aren’t very nice. You can choose a new family, though, and Noel is mine. So full of love and support. In the end, I know I’m lucky. Sorry there’s not better news to report, but some days life sucks.

Unfortunately, that day happened to be my wedding day.

Normally, I’m a glass half full kind of gal. You get lemons, make lemonade. But, today, I don’t seem to have any sugar, and the glass seems half empty – of lemon juice.